Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize