i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just pynch a tree in the face
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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