Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Randomize
