lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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