HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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