she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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