Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize