I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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