so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
