I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
