tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sarcasm needs its own font
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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