This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize