i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
