I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
