she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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