I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
