I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
