I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
