So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
