If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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