Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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