I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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