my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
