I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
