a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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