He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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