; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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