Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
