best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
