super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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