This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
