we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Come share oat with me in your robe
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
