you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
