I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
