She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
