Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
