Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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