So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Watching her eat just hurts me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
