i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
