THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
