My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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