cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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