fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize