yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize