she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize