Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
