I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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