Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
