just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
