i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
