Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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