my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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