i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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