I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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