I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
