i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry my hands just texted you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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