i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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