I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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