About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
