Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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