Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
