I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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