When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We smell like vodka and hangover
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