its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I lost the right to judge tonight
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
