maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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