i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
