coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
