Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
