I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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