I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
