He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
