youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
